something to live for
by Rouhn
Summary: Set in an alternative universe, many years in the future, where people are more like numbers than human beings - some people get lost in the system and they all have one thing in common: they were alone, they had nothing left to live for. But there is one person who tries to help people: the Saviour. Will she be able to help another lost soul to find something to live for?


__  
__So, guys, here it is my part for the cssns .  
Thank you, Krystal ( kmomof4) , for organizing the event and answering all my questions.  
Thank you, Olia ( eastwesthomeisbest ) , for doing these incredible graphics for the story you can find on TUMBLR.  
Thank you, Misty ( flslp87 ), for beta reading the story, helping me through all this and always talking to me.  
Also a big thank you to Hannah ( hookedonapirate ) for not only giving me her honest opinion about the story but also making a wonderful picture set I used for the sneak peek I posted a few days ago on TUMBLR.__

* * *

 _ _Set in an alternative universe, many years in the future, where people are more like numbers than human beings - they have to function, do their job properly, give back credit to society, and if they are wealthy enough - live their life to the fullest.__

 _ _Some people get lost in the system, they are found in an empty alley one day or in their apartments, in their cars or somewhere else - dead. Sometimes there is a suicidal note saying that it was too much, that they couldn't go on like that, sometimes there is none. But they all have one thing in common: they were alone, they had nothing left to live for.__

 _ _There is a huge wall around the city. They say it's to protect the people living within the walls but that's a lie. They built it so the ones inside could not see the depressing world outside the wall.__

 _ _There is no electricity after ten pm, there is no clean water, no functional health care system or enough jobs or food.__

 _ _Many people are poor, hungry or ill. There is no prison within the wall because people are sent to outside instead.__

 _ _They promised us a good life, money, parties and fun - they promised us everything but they didn't tell us the truth.__

This is a world without magic. Nobody believes anymore. Some simply forgot and others never knew. It's a sad world.

 _ _But outside the walls, there still are people who believe. There are also people who have magic, but they hide, because there are others who want to use them against the rich.__

 _ _They promised us a colourful future but now everything is grey. At least for those who aren't rich, who cannot afford a life within the walls. There is plenty of food, there is music and everything you could ever wish for within the walls, but if you are not living there you are a nobody. And no one sees a nobody. No one likes a nobody. No one wants to be (associated with) a nobody.__

* * *

It is a warm and sunny Tuesday afternoon, and I wander around the docks, enjoying the fragrance of sea salt, ships and fish. I listen to the fishermen on their boats, watch the men work under the warm sun. I miss this life, I miss being around them and being one of them but I also miss what's behind the wall.

I was once within the walls, living the best life I could have ever asked for, all thanks to my father, as I was able to afford anything I wanted. Until that is, he vanished.

Suddenly there were only my brother and I left and while we still had much, it was never enough to live the high standard we were used to. Slowly, ever so slowly we climbed down the ladder of wealth, of success and although we had big dreams and studied at the best universities we never fulfilled our dreams. We weren't able to fit in anymore and eventually, we ended up on a ship, our ship, the only possession we never gave up.

She gives us shelter. She gives us home and we also earn money with her. We are still allowed to sail the channels within the walls and visit our old home, but we both know that we are not really welcomed there.

We offer cruises to the rich, in order to show them the other side of the wall without the fear of being attacked by anyone and we show the curious people from this side of the wall the world within it.

The rich have no idea that they are watched, a cloak spell covering the ship and so it looks like we are transporting barrels and other goods instead of outsiders.

I once met one woman with magic. She did a spell for my father to protect the Jolly Roger. The ship can't be destroyed easily, not at all. Although, the ship is over thirty years old, we've never had to repair her once.

The ship can only be taken from us if we give our consent. It can be sold or given to someone else and we can easily disguise it by telling her what we want others to l see, instead of the truth.

But none of this matters any longer. The only thing that matters is the young man standing on the railing, ready to jump into the ice cold, dark water below.

I have no idea how to stop him. I have no idea what to do right now. I wish he could see me. I wish he knew I am still with him, but he has no idea and I feel so helpless. But maybe the rumours are true and there is someone who can help him, someone from inside the wall, - the Saviour.

* * *

Emma is sitting in her office, looking at the clock, feeling giddy and happy. The next two hours are the best of her day. She loves helping people and being there for them, but found that most people within the walls have no real problems.

She is not one of those doctors who prescribe medications to help someone stay up longer or ones where people can eat more and more without gaining weight. She hates her colleagues who do that. She became a doctor to help people, sick people, but the ones who need help can't afford help. And as much as she wishes to be able to help them, it's not possible as a doctor within the walls is not allowed to help people from the outside.

She could give up her life here, go outside and really help, but she has a son and she doesn't want to do that to him. She saw how individuals who reject this life are treated and she knows this place gives Henry the best chance. Her only wish is that things were different, but since they aren't, she spends two hours, every other day, on her phone, or via email, helping people who need her, as much as she can.

 _ _tick. tick.__ The last seconds of the current hour pass by until the minute hand finally reaches the highest point of the clock. tock.

Emma has a secret, not even her son knows. She has magic and uses it to help others outside the wall, if they are in need. They call her the Savior, but if anyone inside the wall should ever find out any of these things, she would probably be expelled. She, her son and her parents.

Emma presses a button to open the line for those who need help, for the people outside the walls, who really need help, but her phone stays silent. With nothing else to do, she sighs and checks her emails instead and spends some time answering those and waiting for a call.

Her parents know about her side project and wish the world was different. They pray that the world will one day be better and encourage visitors to their church to help others. Their mission has become to find others, who not only talk about changing the world, but do something.  
She loves her parents but she also knows that change requires action. People within the wall have everything and they don't even think anything needs to be modified. Why should they?

 _ _.__

Emma's look falls on her telephone. Closing the email and opening another program on her computer she picks up the call.

"Emma Swan speaking - how may I help you?"

She is greeted with silence and again asks who is speaking and how she can help but nobody replies. Emma decides to hang up as there may be others who really need her help, when she suddenly hears a sob.

"Hello? I can hear you. I don't know how I can help you if you don't speak with me."

 _"_ _ _He is going to jump!"__

"Sir, I don't-"

 _"_ _ _My brother, he is going to jump. He is going to kill himself."__

"Okay, keep calm. Are you with him?"

 _"_ _ _Yes."__ The answer was nearly a whisper.

"Okay, try to talk to him, steady and-"

 _"_ _ _I can't. He can't hear me. I don't even understand why you can hear me."__

"Uhm, I don't understand, why wouldn't I hear you?"

Suddenly Emma is greeted with hissing. She has to hold the phone a bit farther away and only brings it back to her ear when the noises stop.

"Hello?"

 _"_ _ _Aye, you won't believe me. I can't even believe it myself. And it's not important. But you have to help him. He will jump, he is going to die and he is too young to die. He doesn't deserve to die. He doesn't deserve to die alone."__

"But you said you are with him, why are you telling me this and not him?" Confusion washes over Emma. She is still unsure if this call is a joke or if there is really a man ready to commit suicide.

 _"_ _ _He can't hear me or see me. He doesn't know I am there."__ The voice also begins to get nervous and angry, which only causes Emma to question everything again.

"Then show yourself!"

 _"_ _ _I can't. I am- I am a-"__

"What are you?" Emma asks, her voice raised. Again she hears the hissing, this time even louder than before. Surprised, she pushes the phone away from her ear and it nearly falls from her hands.

Emma closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she brings the phone back to her ear once again, but before she can ask the one on the other side of the line anything, a man materialises in front of her desk.

 _"_ _ _I am a ghost."__ The man says and Emma recognises the voice instantly. It's the same voice she talked to a minute ago. With a loud thud the phone lands on her desk. Her mouth drops open and her eyes go wide.

 _"_ _ _Please, you have to help my brother. They say you save people. They say you can help and as you can see me, I would say they are right, so please go and save him."__ The man pleads, nervously moving from one foot to the other, his blue eyes soft and slight smile on his face.

Emma can't trust her eyes, still staring at the man - no - ghost, in front of her.

The man takes a deep breath - do ghosts breath? Emma can't even think straight but tries to sort out her thoughts.

"You- you-" she stammers, but isn't even able to finish when the ghost interrupts her harshly.

 _"_ _ _Yes, I am a ghost. But can we-"__

"No! You mentioned a brother. Where is he? He is the one who requires help, isn't he?" Suddenly she is in full Saviour mode and the man's eyes start to sparkle.

 _"_ _ _Aye. His name is Killian and he is down at the docks on his ship, the Jolly Roger."__

"Okay, let's go." Emma jumps up but stops a second later. "Uhm, can you, I mean-"

 _"_ _ _If you think I can teleport you there, I have to disappoint you, lass, I don't even know how exactly I ended up here and-"__ the man answers, but this time his jaw drops when Emma is enveloped in a white cloud of smoke, just seconds before she disappears in a white cloud of smoke.

When Emma materialises again, the harsh smell of fish and sea salt fills her nostrils. She has to bite back the urge to puke, overwhelmed by too many flavours filling the air.

 _"_ _ _So you have magic?"__ It's more a statement than a question, and Emma nearly jumps out of her skin, but pulls herself together and answers with a slight nod.

"Is this your brother?" She points at a man on a ship, holding tight to a rope, staring into the dark sea.

 _"_ _ _I can't see any other man standing on a railing, can you?"__

"I doubt he will die if he jumps into the harbour basin."

 _"_ _ _Aye, but today is Tuesday and every Tuesday the fishermen unload the fish they couldn't sell and so there are sharks and other sea creatures."__

 _ _Oh.__

"Okay, tell me something about him, you said his name is Killian? Why is he so upset that he wants to kill himself?"

The man stares at Emma, shaking his head in disbelief and Emma immediately realises her mistake. She nods and decides to go to Killian, she needs to save him and the desire grows with every step as she moves closer to him.

Without realizing she was moving that quickly, she is suddenly standing on the deck, Killian only two meters away from her. Emma isn't sure if she should say anything, afraid of frightening him too much, so that he falls into the water, but she needs to say something or else he jumps by himself.

The ghost is now standing next to his brother, talking to him nonstop, but Emma cannot understand what is being said, as there is too much going on around them to hear. Nobody is paying attention to what's happening on the ship as everyone is just minding their own business.

Taking a deep breath, she steps forward. "Hey!" It's not a loud shout, it's just a friendly greeting to catch his attention.

Killian slowly turns his head staring at the intruder.

"What are you doing on my ship, lass?" Involuntarily Emma shudders hearing his harsh tone, feeling his narrowed eyes bore into her. She tries to study his face and is surprised by how soft his features are. She has to admit he is handsome, dark unruly hair, ginger scruff all over his cheeks and chin, soft red lips, a scar on his right cheek. "Are you deaf?"

Emma shakes her head, smiling at him softly. "No, of course not, but I could ask you what you are doing on the railing. I am curious if there is something interesting to see? Maybe a shark or another sea creature?"

"Why do you think there could be something like that in the harbour basin?"

"It's Tuesday." Emma retorts nonchalantly, her eyes suddenly falling on the man next to Killian who smirks at her.

"And how did a woman from within the walls hear such a thing?" Emma watches Killian raising a brow, but sees that he doesn't make an attempt to step down.

"How do you know, I am from-" Emma starts but she composes herself quickly, staring at Liam who nods at her. "Your brother." She answers his question and these words seem to catch Killian's attention.

"My brother? He is dead. And why would he tell a woman like you anything about fishy-Tuesday?"

"Fishy-Tuesday? Do you call it so or is that a common term around the docks?" Emma snorts taking a step closer.

Killian also smiles, but when he sees her coming closer he stiffens again.

"Don't come closer, lass."

Emma raises her arms, showing him that he has the upper hand. "So, tell me, Killian, is there anything interesting to see down there or are you just watching dead fish?"

"I see Liam told you my name too. Bloody bastard. I wonder what else he kept from me."

"Liam?" Emma looks at an irritated Killian, a mistake because suddenly Killian gets wary again and Liam is by her side within a second.

 _"_ _ _You must play along, Emma. I can't lose him. You have to save him, please."__

"I mean-"

"You know what, it doesn't even matter. Now leave my ship. I have business to do."

"Staring at fish?"

 _"_ _ _Emma! Don't provoke him, please. He is everything I have."__

"Yes, lass, staring at fish." Killian huffs in annoyance, glancing at Emma again before he turns to look back down into the dark water.

"Well, I am no fan of fish but maybe you can teach me more about it." With three quick steps, Emma is with Killian, standing at the railing, staring down into the water too. "Ugh, you can't even see anything in there. How are you fish-gazing without fish?"

She looks up seeing that Killian is rubbing his face with his right hand while his left hand,- no is that a hook?- holds onto the rope.

"Please leave my ship, lass." Killian tries again, this time more demanding.

"No."

"No?"

"No, I promised Liam to look after you and now I find you standing on the railing ready to jump or fish-gazing or whatever you call it. I made a promise and I won't break it and I won't leave this boat until you come down."

"Ship." The brothers answer simultaneously making Emma smile.

"Boat - ship - ship - boat. What's the difference anyway."

 _"_ _ _Well, a boat is-"__ Liam suddenly starts, but Emma cuts him off with a harsh "not you!" which makes Killian raise a brow again.

"Are you alright, lass?"

"Fine, thanks. So, will you come down or do I have to come up?"

" _ _Emma, what are you doing?"__ Liam's voice is full of concern and even Emma doesn't know what she is doing right now.

"Lass are you insane? What if you slip and fall into the water?"

"Well considering you wanted to jump yourself, you could rescue me first. At least that's what a gentleman would do."

"Did my brother also tell you this?"

"No. To be honest, he doesn't talk much about you, he is too concerned seeing you stand on that railing."

"Bloody hell, what are you talking about?"

 _"_ _ _Emma, no, you cannot tell him."__ Liam's eyes go wide, he stares at her shocked but Emma only turns her head and stares back before she answers him again.

"Why can't I tell him? He is going to jump, no matter what I tell him. Maybe he will believe me and step down when I tell him, maybe he will think I am crazy, but either way, I tried my best."

"Bloody hell, woman! Who are you talking to? Are you mad?" Killian now stands with his back to the water again.

"Your brother. He is right here standing next to me. Brown curly hair, this height, brown worn uniform, the same blue eyes like you."

Killian's jaw drops and he nearly steps down, but the last second before his full weight is on the deck, he stops himself.

"Oh, that was a good one, lass. I nearly believed you."

 _"_ _ _Make him believe. Please, Emma, he has to come down from that bloody railing."__

"Okay, ask Liam whatever you want and he will answer through me."

"Anything?"

Emma looks at Liam who nods at Killian. _"_ _ _Yes, anything little brother."__

"Yes, Killian. He says you can ask him anything."

"Alright, but if I still don't believe you, will you finally leave me alone?"

Emma furrows her brows, thinking about his question. "No, but that doesn't matter because I am telling the truth and I will prove it to you. Now go ahead and ask your question."

"Stubborn lass," Killian mutters and shakes his head again, clearly thinking of a good question.

 _"_ _ _He won't be easy to convince. You must tell him exactly what I tell you. Word for word."__

Emma nods, looking at Killian and remembering what Liam had told her before. "Go ahead, little brother."

"Younger" Killian corrects her automatically before his eyes widen again. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Or better yet, you heard what Liam said. Did he always address you as the little brother? That was not good form."

Killian laughs, but he still doesn't seem convinced. "Ask him-"

"He can hear you, you don't have to shout. He is standing right next to me, Killian."

"Well, tell me, brother, why did you break your promise? Why did you leave me? You promised to stay with me, be there for me, so how could you leave me?"

Emma gasps, she hadn't thought he would ask anything so emotional. She was thinking something more along the lines of a where an object is hidden or some other secret between brothers.

As Liam speaks, Emma also repeats the words to Killian.

" _ _Brother, I know I made a big mistake. I was sure I made the right decision in searching the plant. I never thought he would betray us, betray me. I am sorry, li- younger brother. But I am still looking out for you. You deserve so much more."__

"I told you he was a fraud; he never wanted to use the plant for good. Why did you ever have to see the best in others?"

Emma looks at Killian who looks around searching for any indicator that Emma is telling the truth.

 _"_ _ _I am so sorry. I really thought he meant what he said."__ Emma suddenly feels his eyes on her, looking at Liam who quickly looks back at his brother. _"_ _ _Killian, he told me he can help us and give us enough money to live within the wall again. I only wanted the best for us, for you. It seemed to be an easy task looking for this plant and bringing it to him, if I had known it would kill me after only touching it, I would have never agreed. Please, don't end your life because of my mistake."__

Emma's voice nearly breaks as she whispers the last words more than she speaks them, overwhelmed with heaviness from the answer. She doesn't know the exact circumstances of Liam's death, but seeing Killian standing on the railing, it must have been a sudden death.

"That doesn't convince me." Killian's says harshly and turns around again leaning over the railing, now more ready to jump as moments before.

Emma doesn't know what else to do and climbs up onto the railing. She is afraid of heights, especially if the floor beneath her feet isn't solid. Walking across the gangplank was not that difficult because she focused on Killian, but now standing close to the edge, staring down into the cold, black water, knowing that dangerous creatures of the sea are lurking beneath the surface, nearly make her puke again.

"Bloody hell, are you insane?"

"Maybe." Emma tries to concentrate on Killian's face and stares into his deep blue eyes, trying to hold onto those sparkling gems, instead of thinking about the darkness underneath her feet.

"Tell me what happened with your hand," Emma says, suddenly pointing at Killian's hand.

"Go and ask my brother."

"No, I want you to tell me and after that, I will ask him if you told tell truth or not."

Killian raises his brow again. What is it about his eyebrows? It seems as if they are working of their own accord. Fascinated Emma stares at him, missing the smirk on his face.

"See something you like?" The sudden change in Killian's voice makes her focus on him again. Emma blushes but then she clears her throat waiting for an answer to her question.

"So?"

Killian starts talking, his voice somber, low and husky. He talks about a fight with a crocodile, a fight involving a woman he hardly knew but had to save and pain so harsh he blacked out immediately. Emma is shocked but when Liam shakes his head she crosses her arms in front of her chest, forgetting where she stands and Killian quickly wraps his free arm around her, to prevent her from falling.

Emma blushes and stares at Killian's eyes again, he is so close now, she can feel his breath on her skin. She starts to get lost in his embrace, but then she hears a throat being cleared and composes herself, pushing herself a bit off Killian. "Okay, Liam, what did he lie about?" Emma can see Killian swallow thickly in the corner of her eye, which makes her smile inwardly.

 _"_ _ _He knew the woman better than just good. She was his big love, but he didn't know she was married to a wealthy man, the said crocodile. It's true that the crocodile took his hand but it was not an animal, it was a man and his sword. And Killian didn't black out, he zoned out, yes and I assume he lost more than a big love and hand in the fight. But it was then, that he proved that he is a survivor."__

Emma looks at Killian whose eyes are swimming with tears, "Brother?"

With a big step, he jumps down, making Emma sigh in relief. When he turns towards Emma and helps her down, she can see the tears streaming down his cheeks. Her eyes go wide when she watches the scene in front of her. Killian's eyes wander around the deck once again and. when the salty water droplet meets the floor, Liam suddenly stands in front of him making Killian and Emma gasp.

"Liam! Liam, I can see you. Oh, brother. I miss you so much." He falls to his knees, sobbing like a child and Emma's heart nearly breaks for him. She can see Liam kneeling down next to him, a hand around the back of his neck and his head pressed against his shoulder.

Emma smiles, her heart warmed by the sight of the brothers, sobbing together, exchanging words she cannot understand, but with the realization that it is a private moment between them, not something she needs to understand.

She knows her work is done and she can go back to her real life now as there are others who need her help. Without the brothers noticing, she disappears in a cloud of white smoke again.

* * *

I never thought I would see her again. But the blonde woman doesn't stop haunting Killian's thoughts. I am not sure why I am still here as I thought once Killian was back on course, I would be able to move on. But I'm still here, right next to my brother.

My little, stubborn brother who can't forget the blonde Saviour. I told him I cannot help him. I told him if he wants to see her again, he has to find her himself. It took him a long while to track her down, four months to be exact.

And now? Now we are here within the walls, Killian dressed as always in his long black leather coat, earring and eyeliner. His hook replaced by a wooden hand covered by a black glove. The women around us are ogling him, undressing him with their eyes but Killian is not paying attention to them.

He is so antsy, he takes two steps a time, nervously fiddling with the flower in his hand. It's been a long time since I have seen him like this, but I am happy he has a something he can focus on again.

He's done some research and knows her name is Emma Swan and where she works - obviously - but he knows so much more. She has no boyfriend or admirer and her parents are preachers in one of the churches nearby. She has a son and a younger brother.

I could say he got a little obsessed with her, but that's how Killian does things. He does it 100% or he doesn't do them at all.

When he knocks at her door, we are greeted by a young blonde girl who smiles at him politely. "Good day, sir, how can I help you? Do you have an appointment with Dr. Hopper?"

"Dr. Hopper? No, I am here for Emma Swan." Killian's voice is unusually high and he clears his throat to add something, but at that same moment, a door to his left opens and Emma steps out.

"Ashley could you-" It's almost comically when I see her freeze the moment her eyes meet Killian's; she holds the same expression on her face as my brother which warms my heart. "Killian."

A smile appears on her face before she walks over to Ashley and places something on the table, her eyes never leaving my brother. "I don't want to be disturbed for the next half hour, okay?"

"Yes, boss." Ashley smiles and Emma blushes at the way she had been addressed and sends an annoyed glance Ashley's way.

"Come on in, Killian. Oh, Liam." When she sees me, she is suddenly insecure, looking at Ashley again briefly, but the young woman is already lost in her work again. She gestures for us to follow her inside the office and we oblige happily.

"So, you found me." Am I wrong, or is Emma's voice shaking a bit? There is a smile still on her face when she offers Killian a seat, but once again my brother surprises me. Killian steps closer and hands her the rose he has hidden behind his back.

The blush on Emma's cheeks suits her but she is clearly surprised by the lovely gesture, "For me? Thank you, Killian."

"You are welcome, love." The shade on Emma's cheeks deepens and she looks down for a moment. Now a smile is plastered on my face when I witness these two fools.

When she looks up again, she looks between me and Killian, visibly unsure what to think about our sudden appearance.

"You know it's risky showing up here like this. People tend to talk, and I don't know if you know that or not, but what I did was kind of illegal and-" Emma starts again, she seems nervous but I can't tell if she is because of our visit or because of the delicate topic she now starts to explain.

"I didn't want to cause any trouble for you." Killian's voice is suddenly hard and deep, the whole happiness gone.

"No, Killian, that's not what I mean. Not at all. I know the risk, I know that I can be expelled because I have magic and because I help the ones living outside the wall. I don't understand the law forbidding us who can help to do exactly that - help the ones who need it the most. I cannot give up this life here because of- because of-"

"Henry."

Oi brother. The single word not only startles me but also Emma. She raises a brow surprised, but she doesn't say anything about it, instead she goes on with the explanation.

"Exactly. I cannot live outside the wall where I know that Henry will never have the same chances he has here. I wished everything is different but it isn't. So every other day I spend two hours helping those who need help. And it's so worth the risk; helping you was so worth the risk."

She smiles at him, but Killian keeps quiet. Emma exchanges a quick look with me, but when she sees I am as confused as she is, she looks back at Killian.  
"So what brings you here, Killian?"

"Uhm."

I've never seen my brother speechless, but he is standing there flustered, scratching behind his ear, just staring at Emma.

"Shall I tell you a secret, Killian? I'm glad you found me."

Suddenly a huge smile breaks out on Killian's face, lighting up the whole room and Emma reciprocates the smile. Now I can't hold myself back and smile, but my smile falters a second later when I feel something. A prickling on my skin, a warm feeling I haven't felt in a long time- maybe never before to be honest. It's a good feeling, I feel safe and warm and home.

I can hardly hear Emma's and Killian's voices, calling my name. I can go now. I can move on, leaving Killian behind, knowing he won't be alone.

The last I see, is them standing next to each other, Emma grabbing Killian's hand and squeezing slightly while his eyes flicker between me, their joint hands and her. He smiles and Emma smiles and I know he won't try to kill himself again because he now has something to live for again.


End file.
